Reinventing mourning

Am I still mourning Alice's death? I am. Yet I'm getting tired of weeping for her. It doesn't move me forward anymore; crying keeps me stagnant.

I have to figure out a way to remember Alice, and not to forget her. How to live with her, and not live without her.

And I think what I have to do, is to talk with her. I need to develop a dialogue with her in my head. Which isn't easy to do, because she doesn't really answer. Yet I think that's not the point. I need to do this for myself, to comfort myself a tiny bit, and to continue to hold Alice's essence in me.

I will tell her about L's development, how L can throw over-hand, at age three! Auntig Alice would be loving L's growing athleticism. I will tell L about growing up with Auntig Alice, sift through the memories to find the good ones to share. I will tell Alice about the book proposal I'm writing, and hope she would be proud of me.

It's like, I don't know what to do with myself, otherwise. Maybe I will write some letters to her on this blog. I really believe there's something about the ubiquity of the Internet that makes it feel like it reaches the great beyond. I still miss you like crazy, Alice.