Monday, December 21, 2020

Epitaph

Yesterday I attended a zoom on grief. At one point someone read this poem, and I loved it. 

Of course it evoked Alice. 

When I die
Give what’s left of me away
To children
And old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry,
Cry for your brother
Walking the street beside you.
And when you need me,
Put your arms
Around anyone
And give them
What you need to give to me.

I want to leave you something,
Something better
Than words
Or sounds.

Look for me
In the people I’ve known
Or loved,
And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live on your eyes
And not on your mind.

You can love me most
By letting
Hands touch hands,
By letting
Bodies touch bodies,
And by letting go
Of children
That need to be free.

Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Give me away.

Sunday, September 20, 2020

14 Years On

And on the eve of the 14th anniversary of Alice's death, I received an arrangement.

The floral tableau below was hand-made by a dear friend. It's a sculpture, really. Her medium isn't brick or bronze, but blooms. She said she was thinking about Alice as she created it. I've been so touched by her ability to empathize--she'd never even met my sister. Two days later I still can't take my eyes off the beautiful creation, fit to remember a beautiful person.

On September 18, I'd gone to sleep early. At 11:40PM, an earthquake struck South El Monte. Twenty-five miles west of the epicenter, I was shaken awake. It was like Alice was telling me, "you better remember tomorrow." As if I could ever forget.

In the morning, Peter, L and I picked up my mom and drove to Rose Hills. Actually, my dear friend had made a special arrangement for my mother too. Who loved the spectacular array of blossoms so much, she wept. Well, it was a heavy day. 

On the way to visit Alice's and my dad's grave sites, we stopped to pick up bouquets. Well, we also got Alice a rainbow pinwheel with a butterfly at its center. We arrived at her tombstone which was covered in grass clippings. I cleaned it up, and dug for the water cup. Somehow it's never easy to find that metal vase. But finally we did, and with good luck, it was easy to pull out. We filled it with water and the colorful buds. My mom said an Armenian prayer. Told Alice we loved her very much. Then we took off.

But before I left, I grabbed the spinning toy. Gardeners would be trashing it within a few days, and I wanted it at home where I'd be reminded of Alice's whimsical nature every time I saw it.