Peter and I were walking down the street today, L in his arms. As we passed a young man and woman, I heard the woman say "That was a cute-ass baby."
I repeated what she said to Peter, who hadn't heard it. He chuckled.
Then I thought Alice would appreciate this moment. I wanted to call her and tell her, and she would say "ohhooo, she's right! How is my cute-ass boubrig?" in her typical, exuberant manner. I would appreciate her excitement as a representation of what I also felt inside, yet I would have difficulty joining her at the same level of energy. We could easily go from happy to snappy in a flash, so I was careful.
Of course I didn't call her. Instead I realized in her absence I could write about this all in my blog, to find some comfort in expressing it.
It doesn't change the yearning I feel to talk to her and connect with her and laugh with her, still.
4 comments:
I get so sad when I read Haig's blogs about the loss of one of his sisters. I wonder if he spends any time trying to get connected to his remaining sibling, and why she never comes up. I guess she did once, but that was in reference to a strained relationship. Doesn't the death of a family member make you want to get connected to those who remain? What is the purpose of this blog anyway? Isn't there a lesson to be learned anywhere? When will Haig write about that? Guess I'll stay tuned for a little while longer... but it does get old!
That's a hard comment to read. And I've read it three times now. -kevin
That first comment sounds like Sophie, I don't know who else would write it. On one hand, it sadly feels like she's trying to take attention away from Alice -- the purpose of this blog, after all, is to remember Alice. I thought that was clear in the heading? Yet mostly I feel bad that she clearly feels left out. My relationship with Alice has more life in it than my relationship with her right now.
I don't think Sophie wrote that, Haig, and I don't think, in a million years that she would want to "take attention" away from Alice. Do you remember what she said at the funeral about her and Alice? That " we were close, too close for comfort, actually". I think that more or less describes all three of you with each other.... You guys were always sooo sensitive; all three of you- and you love so hard and you bruise so hard. Unfortunately, sometimes it's nearly impossible for everyone to remember the love-you guys and us- amidst all the bruises...But you're a special bunch and we never have to stop growing. I cant say I quite know how you should make things better with Sophie; I know she can make it wonderful and then so very tough. But, at least, you can try to understand it better- I think it comes much more from pain than from judgement.
I hope you and Peter and Lulu are well.
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