It's Friday night in March, and I'm sitting here crying. I've felt somber since the beginning of the month; March has become a difficult time to live through. The 19th marks the half-year anniversary of Alice's death, and the 26th is her birthday, of course. I've blocked out the 26th on my calendar already, I'll fly a kite for Alice that day.
I'm struck by grief and disbelief as I turn and look at our photos displayed of Alice with L. How is it possibly possible that I may never see Alice again? Talk to her again? When I think in these terms, I get a sharp pain in my gut that also asks how is it possible that I may never give Alice the silent treatment again? There are ways in which I was really sh`tty to her. Oh f`ck. I can hear her say, in what once was the recent past, "you act as if you don't even have a sister anymore."
More tears.
And so this is how it goes when my sister of 35 years dies suddenly and I'm left to struggle with her dire absence for the rest of my life, visiting her birthday and anniversaries year in and year out.
Well, I suppose these sad milestones ensure that I don't forget her. As if
1 comment:
Hi, Haig. Everytime I read one of your posts I am amazed by some of the similarities in our experience. I posted before regarding my father and my mild depression after his death. March 13 was the b-day of my daughter and I really was aware of my father not being present. He would be so impressed with all that my daughter is at the age of five. She is quite a character. The sense of loss had deepend quite a bit for me since his death (Aug. 07).
Thank you for sharing your grief. It comforts me to know that I am not alone in this process.
My best,
Christina
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