Today marks two and a half years since Alice died. After reading Christina's comments, I felt that I couldn't go to bed without writing something about this milestone. Two things come to mind.
The loss of Alice is so very hard to hold on to. Part of me wishes to wipe this from my consciousness, yet another part doesn't know how to continue working with the grief and yearning. These last few days I've been walking around like a zombie, feeling a cold emptiness inside.
The second thing is connected to a lecture about parenting I attended earlier in the month. The speaker said that when you try to make sure your child is happy all of the time, the message you're sending them is that the only valid life is a seamless one. In her death, Alice taught me very clearly that I don't have a seamless life, and thus, neither does L. Accidents happen, death happens, sorrow happens. So I know not to fuss with smaller problems, and I have Alice to thank for this.
And L has her Auntig Alice to thank for this.
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