I was thinking about an exchange I had with Alice from a couple of years ago, and was able to uncover the e-mail thread. She had said some nice things about my mom in the midst of our quarreling, and I wanted my mom to see them. In response, my mom wrote:
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Thank you for sharing Alice's letter with me. How clear and precise are her thoughts, what a masterpiece. Alice is and was very bright and articulate and rebellious, and I miss her for not being here to enjoy the beautiful sunny day, and to enjoy teaching her kids at school. These days are hard getting closer to the accident date. I still can not believe it happened and that she is not coming back, and that it has been so long since she was at the house.
May God help us all and bring us closer together.
I love you
mom
ps. see you soon
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The part "it has been so long since she was at the house" really got to me. I think that as time passes, yes, some of the intense pain of our loss subsides -- well, it moves somewhere in the background if it doesn't disappear.
Yet the yearning for Alice grows, and intensifies.
The time that has passed since Alice was at the house will only continue to grow, and it leaves me exposed to the chill of her absence.
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