The actor Michelle Williams, who was divorced from Heath Ledger, recently was interviewed by Newsweek magazine. She spoke of losing Heath, and it resonates with me. His death was also completely unexpected and premature, and I suspect her relationship with him was also intense, and hot and cold. Her words capture many elements of my experience.
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From Newsweek:
Williams is jovial and chatty, until the conversation turns to Heath. You can see it's still difficult for her to talk about him, and she hasn't done so publicly until now. The first time Ledger's name comes up, she bursts into tears. "It's so sad," Williams says. When she's asked about how she's been doing in the past year, she's silent for a very long time. "I guess it's always changing," she says. There's another pause. "What else can I say?" Her voice is breathy and fragile, and she takes a few gulps of air. "I just wake up each day in a slightly different place—grief is like a moving river, so that's what I mean by 'it's always changing'." She stops again. "It's a strange thing to say"—her words unravel slowly, her eyes tear up—"because I'm at heart an optimistic person, but I would say in some ways it just gets worse. It's just that the more time that passes, the more you miss someone. In some ways it gets worse. That's what I would say."
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It's heartening, in a f`cked-up way, to feel someone else's grief mirror some of my own.
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