A friend told me that after a death, only the good memories linger. I fear it may be more complicated than that.
I dreamed my biological family was on vacation. Alice was there, although she didn't look like herself, she had really long hair. This detail makes me wonder what she would have looked like today. In my dream I dumped all my negative energy on her; I hit her, I kicked her, I called her dumbass.
That's no way to treat your sister. She was often the scapegoat in our family. It was unfair. To target her repeatedly was untrue. She wasn't always the instigator. I regret treating her like the one responsible for all our ills. My father, mother, Sophie, and I had our own share of aggression, resentment, and rage.
I'm sorry for hurting you so much, Alice.
Soon after this dream, I visited Iris, a friend of Alice's from junior high school. I wanted to meet Iris's partner and hold their new baby Ivory, for Alice. It felt like my sister was there with us. Iris and I were Alice for each another.
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