I had a dream two nights ago. I was walking, kidding around good-naturedly with my friend Giuseppe, and then it was time for us to part ways. As I was getting ready to say good-bye, he turned into Alice. And in a momentarily satisfying way, I got to say good-bye to her.
I never got to say good-bye to Alice, in reality. In f`cked-up reality. That's something I just didn't get, as our life stories go. And I have to live with that. I can dream it, and I'll take that, but the hopelessness of never exchanging a final word haunts me, still today.
I, I, I. This is all about me, selfish me. Yet I am all I have to plumb and work to maintain a relationship with Alice in the present. I know I need to look more forward than back, for L's sake, yet the future doesn't hold Alice. To be with her is to invoke the past.
I continue to struggle here.
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